42 / What

So, I'm back in the States. I've been home since Saturday afternoon. Wow. Uh. Everything.

Right now it's 6:53am [aka almost 8pm in Korea/me time.]

Yesterday, I went to sleep around midnight and was dead to the world until 3:30 in the afternoon. Last night I think I slept about 2 or 3 hours? Tops? And it doesn't look like I'm going to be going back to sleep anytime soon, so I thought I would check in. I only really plan to continue with this blog until school starts/hopefully the shock wears off. Until then, here we are...

Coming back here was intense. I thought going to Korea was crazy. I was wrong. My flight schedule went like this: 10:30am departure from Seoul/Incheon, landed in ATL Georgia I think... 11:30am local time? Something like that? Then we had a small layover until we came to Detroit. Crazy. It was crazy. I was SO OUT OF IT already by the time we got into the Atlanta airport. Everything felt surreal from the moment I stepped off the airplane. I remember really clearly everything I was thinking... It was insane. When we left Seoul it was morning -- then on the plane, we went through "night" when it got very dark, then on to the next day... Except when we landed, it was yesterday morning again... And no matter how much I kept telling myself that I understood the time difference and there was nothing odd about it, there was... Definitely a lot odd about it...

My first impressions at the ATL airport...

1. Everything looks less nice here. And it did. And it still does, in every public place I've been. It's just the bottom line. I kind of went back in time in the airplane; that's what every one likes to say. Except when I was in the airport, it felt like I had for real. ATL looked like the 90s. The 80s. It looked ancient. Dirty. Doors didn't open by pressing a button. Everything wasn't shiny and clean. I was like :O this is unreasonable. The USA has to catch up a little in more ways than just getting awesome-er phones.

2. English overload. I guess I got used to tuning things out because I knew I wouldn't understand them, or having to take time to read signs/figure out packaging. My first hour or so in the States was incredibly disorienting because suddenly everything made sense to me. I could understand passing conversations, read t-shirts, comprehend lyrics in songs. I knew what the news announcers were saying on the three televisions in my vicinity. All at once. It was too much. I felt like I was dreaming. I still have that feeling a little bit in the couple of times I've gone out in public. It's crizazy

3. Cleavage. Women show off their cleavage here. I took one look at some of them and I was like woah, I can't believe they're wearing that in front of people. Oh... Wait. Oh yeah, that's totally fine here.

4. I felt small. In Korea, I am average size. I can fit into clothing fine (except for shoes; none ever fit me) and nobody thought I was fat or anything. (I would know if they had; Koreans I knew had no qualms about telling anyone they were, regardless of situation.) In Korea, I'm slightly taller than a lot of the women, though, and eye to eye with a lot of the men. Some guys were taller than me, sure, but never more than an inch or two. The majority I was at a comfortable level with. In the airport, I was really like... Surprised?... By how large everyone looked to me. And still looks. Men are tall here. Like... Tall tall. I have to look up at them kind of tall. Also, a lot of people are... You know... Big.

5. I can't stop nodding/mini-bowing to say thank you. I do it without thinking about it. I felt like an idiot yesterday with the cashiers. I'm already starting to miss people yelling hello and goodbye whenever I leave a store. :C

In general, a lot of things the past couple of days have really felt totally unreal. It feels a little like I just dreamt that I went to Korea and it didn't actually ever happen. Before I came back, I did have a dream where I got back to the USA, but then everyone was telling me that I'd been back for a year already and kept asking why I didn't remember anything. It's like that, except not as horrible. (: So yeah. Hopefully my sleep schedule will even itself out soon. I do feel tired, but I just can't put myself down. It's so dumb.

You know what's not dumb? Real showers that aren't just attached to the wall above your sink. I can't get over it. Also, real cheese.

41 / Post-Reflection

I guess I've only got two days left.

I kept putting off writing this the last week or so, thinking that there was still a chance I'd come up with something new to say -- but honestly, I think I could've written this last month & it would still be just like this. I think that a part of me always kind of knew what I learned in Korea; I just didn't really know I knew. 

Where to start, where to start. Man, I don't know. I was talking with Jenny the other day & of course the topic of leaving came up. We were saying how in a lot of ways, being here is like being in some kind of weird coma fever dream -- and now we're waking up and going home and it's going to be like we were just asleep for a while, while life kept going on without us. I guess that's the most accurate way to describe how it feels. I keep looking at everything around me here, and it's so strange; I have to say goodbye to all of it and might not come back, so it's almost like in my Korean life I'm in the process of dying... but really I'm going somewhere I belong, and belonged to before. It's very odd. In a lot of ways, I'm extremely relieved to get back to the States. I don't think it's been a secret to anyone that not everything has been easy for me here. There were a lot of days that I wished I could just pack up and go. A lot of days I wanted to cry, or not show up at school, etc. (Though there were just as many times I was unbelievably happy, unbelievably proud.) Anyway: as glad as I am to get back to college, my regularly scheduled life, etc -- a part of me keeps looking back and seeing not only what I did, but what I didn't do.

I don't think anyone ever feels that they've done absolutely everything they could to the fullest. But I always had this idea before coming here that I would somehow manage to this time. I pictured myself somehow miraculously turning out to be an awesome teacher regardless of the fact that I didn't know anything about teaching -- which is how it would have gone if this were a movie -- seamlessly melding with the Korean lifestyle, coming back fluent and forever changed, a myriad of impossible images. I don't know that in my heart I really thought it would be that way, don't worry. I always kind of knew I wouldn't come back wanting to do this my whole life. But that's just how it is: at Orientation we were given so many ideas about what this would really be like... And absolutely everyone approached things differently, but I think at heart anyone who comes here does so with some measure of ridiculous hope. Whether you come here knowing you want to be a teacher or would like to find out, or if you're here because it's an easy way to travel/make a little bit of money -- nobody thought it would be hard exactly. We all had those ideas. It's difficult to really put your finger on reality sometimes; maybe it's arrogance, or some layer of your mind trying to make up for the parts of you that have a better handle on things. I was warned about culture shock, and I thought: "That would never happen to me." I was shown classroom strategies and tips, and I thought: "I'll come up with my own way to do things that everyone will want to emulate after and commend me on forever. That's totally realistic." I was warned about troubles I might have, and I thought: "Sure. That's manageable." And it was in the end, but not by the means I thought. Then there were all those troubles nobody mentioned would come up, and all those absurdly fantastic things I never even thought to imagine. 

The bottom line is that I learned more about myself than I did about Korea. As absolutely cliched as that sounds. I cringed writing it. I cringe every time I have to say it, but since it's what really happened, I can't avoid it. Sometimes cliches are grounded in truth, right? I don't really have more to say about it than that. 

On a different front altogether, I have finally realised the boxes I put myself in by studying anthropology. There were many times in Korea that I clearly saw myself unable to break out of various theories and ideas I've learned instead of forming my own. I've decided that this is all right, since I do come up with my own about different things, and have yet to be convinced out of them. 

So... I don't know how to continue this, or even end it appropriately. I feel like I always have a lot to say about things, but I don't know how to articulate them in a way that will seem cohesive to someone who isn't me. Too much happened here. 

I guess: I'm grateful to 8-months-ago-Kat for making the decision to fill out an application and send it in, even though it didn't seem like it could happen. I'll never regret my time here, ever. I'll never forget Seosu Elementary, or Gunsan, or all those people I met and got to know even for a few short months. I'll wonder about my students and their lives until I'm old, even if they forget me. I'll always have a soft spot for Korea: good and bad. I'll probably have random cravings for kimchi and kogi mandu and squid and banana uyu and sugary soju cocktails the rest of my life.


파이팅 forever. 

40 / What I would say to anyone coming to take my place.

1. If you feel sick and don't know why, it might be stress, but on the other hand it might be because your apartment is full of mold.
2. Look for the items that are taped together at the grocery store.
3. Don't walk under trees at night. In fact, it seems like not walking under trees during the summer is generally the better idea.
4. Sarcasm is one of those things that doesn't translate well, and probably never will.
5. Learn to read. For someone who isn't fluent in Korean, I think that reading will help you more than memorising a handful of phrases ever could -- at least if you had to pick one over the other, I dunno. LOTS of words you see on a daily basis on the street/food packaging etc are just Koreanized English. But you wouldn't know that if you can't read, so just do it. It took me about three days to learn the alphabet.
6. Go to a jimjilbang, even if you're 100% sure you won't like it.
7. Do what you're told, but be aware that what you were told is subject to change without you knowing it.
8. Knowing the "vague location" of a place you're trying to get to is not good enough.
9. If you're a lightweight, don't underestimate the power of soju to prove that you are.
10. Eat it first, think about it later.
11. "Uh huh" and "mm-hmm" aren't as straightforward as you think.
12. "Maybe" means yes.
13. Be prepared to do almost everything important for and by yourself. This makes sense for life in general, but if youre in TaLK you need to keep it in mind no matter what they say about how the program is supposed to work.
14. Contrary to what we're led to think, not everyone loves foreigners. Some people really, really, really, really do not love you.
15. Also contrary to what we're led to think, not everyone will think it's cute or be impressed that you learned some phrases in Korean. Some of them will think so. Some of them will flip out over it. But some people? It's probably better not to try to speak Korean to them. And you'll know who they are.
16. No matter how much you wish they could be, those yellow cubes they give you with panchan sometimes are not pineapple.
17. Accept corn into your life. It's in all things it should not be. Also, if it looks like mac and cheese, it's probably corn.
18. Dont drink the wine in the green bottle.
19. There's going to be a point where you realise your English has deteriorated. That's not your imagination.
20. Kids have ridiculously short memories for some things, and other things -- which you'd like them to forget -- they will never forget, ever. Ever.
21. Just assume there are bugs everywhere around you at all times. That makes it easier to handle when it turns out to be true.
22. Old ladies run the show. Never cross an ajumma. She can do everything you only wish you could in a public area and no one will stop her. As far as I'm concerned, I dont look them in the eye unless I'm spoken to, and even then I dunno. It's a jungle out there.
23. On the other hand, some of the most ridiculously sweet, welcoming and generous people I've ever met have been old Korean husbands and wives.
24. When you're standing in line, look like you mean it.
25. Always be ready to have nothing to do. Sometimes your class will mysteriously vanish. Bring a book.
26. Always take it with a grain of salt if someone tells you Korea invented something.
27. No matter what they say, not everything Korean is good for your health.
28. Everyone will have a different opinion about what's best while you're here. Stay true to yours.
29. Don't buy fruit anywhere that has four walls.
30. Don't get angry until you have to. Then bring the wrath.
31. This is true everywhere, but smiling works. Smile. Smile a lot.

39 / DIRTTTT

This last weekend I went to the Mud Festival in Boryeong (: It was awesome. Just like a big gross party for foreigners. There were Koreans there but we far outnumbered them, and a decent amount of Koreans looked like they were just there to watch a bunch of white people running around in mud. It was really surreal to be around that many foreigners at one time, though. And kind of exhausting, to tell the truth. I got home around 4:30 I think today and I ended up taking a five hour nap.

ANYWAY It was fun and awesome and really kind of disgusting :p I got painted with blue/lavender mud that made me look like an asphyxiation victim all day long, played games, etc. There was mud wrestling and slides. The best part was probably the beach, but I got sand scrapes all on my knees. :x

Here's some pictures.

Here's all of us after eating lunch. We look exhausted. :O 

Shortly after being painted. LOL I just noticed Becky in the background

Sexy sand mermaid. 

Lol at the variety of expressions here

I can't stop throwing up peace signs in pictures, someone please help me

Annnnnnnd here's a picture from dinner with Dr. Koh (: 

I can't believe we're all almost finished. 

38 / Spider City

There are spiders and bugs everywhere. EVERYWHERE. E V E R Y W H E R E. Except in my apartment, wooo. But everywhere else? Yup.

My last day of teaching is Tuesday next week. I have to write something post-reflective about it to put towards the class I'm getting credit for by being here, so I'll probably put that up then. I don't know what I'm going to say. I never regret coming here, but I feel differently about certain aspects of the experience all the time. Thankfully, there are some I'm always happy about; it's just that they have nothing to do with school or the TaLK Program. 

Two weeks and two days, two weeks and two days.... 

Dr. Koh came from EMU yesterday to look at my school and take everyone from EMU out for dinner. She's here for three days to tour all of our placements and talk to our coworkers & mentor teachers, etc. It was a little surreal to see her here. I'm not going to lie, I was also nervous to be watched in class. Thankfully my kids were somewhat intimidated by having someone new there, so they were decently behaved and quiet. It was a pretty good day. I hope my school was able to say some all right things about me. I never really achieved a close relationship with them, so I don't know what kind of feedback they gave; I also was never really kept an eye on while teaching, so I don't know what they'd have to say about that either. Oh well. 

EDIT: Soo... I've been under the impression that my last day teaching is Tuesday. Apparently it isn't. I'm supposed to go in Monday and Tuesday during the day and deskwarm, but I don't teach. So... Effectively, today was my last day of regular teaching. They're asking me to come in week after next to do "camp". But yeah. Whatt

37 / Sharks and Ice Cream

So, I think I want to be a scuba diver. I had my shark dive yesterday & it was awesome. One of the best things I've done in Korea for sure. Wow. I don't even really know where to start with it, except that I completely recommend it to anyone here. There were some scary moments for sure, but most of those had to do with convincing my body it was okay to take in breaths underwater. :O Scuba gear is pretty straightforward to use, but it feels like such a leap of faith.

Only bad thing was that the rental underwater cameras were all broken. :c We did rent underwater video though, so I should get a copy of that sometime. Should be cool. The tank was SO BIG and there were so many sharks/weird fishes... There were these huge grouper fish that were like six feet long and a thousand pounds. Their eyes were like the size of my face. And the sharks were just beautiful. I forget what kinds exactly there were in the tank, but even though they were big they weren't frightening at all. You could tell they didn't really care who or what was in the water with them the majority of the time. But they're so much more impressive than they look from behind glass. I'm so happy I decided to try the dive. I'm already thinking about trying to take lessons or get certified when I get home. If I decide to focus on archaeology in grad school it could be really useful to learn about wreck diving, etc.

What else... I've got two weeks & five days left until I come home.

What's up with these videos being all creepy at the beginning :*c

36 / Breakfastish Lunchish Dinnerish

After five attempts at uploading, here we are. c:

Please excuse the fact that I look like a demon for the first ten seconds. I dunno what's up with that & I refuse to reupload again.

Also please excuse the hair. It's too long/thick to keep down in the humidity, and it pretty much never looks neat anymore cos it's always halfheartedly trying to curl.